How to get over jealousy and insecurity?

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Hayley

I'm engaged. I love my fiancé deeply and he treats me better than anyone I've ever. There's one issue, and that's my insecurity. I feel like I'm ruining everything. I'm not generally an insecure person, it's because of things that happened.. But I need advice on how to get over them before I completely ruin things. He has apologized for everything, changed it all, and genuinely feels bad. These are the things that have happened, in no particular order.

1) he told me a story about cheating on his ex with her best friend. Months later, he made a sexual comment to MY best friend on Facebook.

2) until I finally blew up about it, he was always going on and on about what he liked in women.. None of which I had. Example - I've heard about how he has a thing for women in glasses about a billion times. I don't wear glasses. New Years Eve, I made myself into everything he says he wants (except tattoos).. And I got the biggest reaction out of me. He talked about how beautiful i was, he was all over me all night. His contact picture for me on his phone is similar.. He claims it's the only picture I've sent him but I've sent him tons, but just one with glasses, my hair up, etc.

3) once, he blatantly checked out tattooed girls online in front of me. Verbally judging each one as hot or not. He has apologized for doing it.

4) this is the big one. There was another girl in the picture, and I kinda consider what he was doing as an emotional affair. He was texting her first thing in the morning and last thing at night every single morning and saying he had promised her he would. He initially tried to hide the nature of his relationship with her.. But it finally came out that he had a thing for her for a super long time. And when he was telling me about it, it was clear he still did. My thought about it was that I was being put second. Why wouldnt he want to talk to ME first and last? tHe also blatantly refused to make me the same promise

I want to get over this. :(

Answer
This is a good opportunity to try a threesome with your fiancee and the girl in the picture. Threesomes are a great way to sort out your feelings.

Do you think about these before getting a tattoo?

UpYaNose

Like how the tattoo be get distorted when you get older because your skin loses elasticity, how you have to touch it up if not it will look green and faded, and for the girls: ever thought about how you will look with them when you are wearing certain type of clothings, like a gown?

Answer
A couple of things I think about:

I take pictures (not digital); they'll age. Although the analogy is fairly weak, that aging doesn't prevent me from taking them. I'll do what I can to protect them and will thus extend their quality, but I'm under no illusion that they will change.

I also consider people who get hung up on the whole age thing. If someone is only passing on getting a tattoo due to how they will look at 80, I feel sorry for them with all of their fears (of which this is just the tip of the iceberg). What a terrible life they do and will lead, perpetually afraid of aging. Someday that first wrinkle or gray hair will appear, and sooner than they think. Will they adapt, or will that be the beginning of their end?

I've seen people who don't adapt; they tend to die early (60-70), and not happy. The last couple decades of their life is spent in coulda/shoulda/woulda mode, staring out a window all day perched in their rocker. One friend who's in her late 50s (nicely inked & in damn good shape) is a caretaker for some senior citizens, and has seen this tragedy up close - people waiting to die. She's active and *very* busy, and and yet as little as 5-10 years younger than her practically immobile patients.

Medical science being what it is and extrapolating based on my age versus those in their venerable years, I don't expect to die before 100, and likely healthier than the current average American in their 60s. Decades from now YA will be a hazy memory at best, but I'll still think of those aged coulda/shoulda/wouldas as I bicycle past them on their rockers on my way to a touchup.

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Title Post: How to get over jealousy and insecurity?
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